i guess a patient wont be of any help to another patient when he cant even possibly help himself stay positive. everything around me seems to be really screwed up,which is also why i dont really care about making it turn good again.

picture this.

amongst all that off season trainings, the shifting of focus from canoeing to probably studies and the social aspect, then suddenly, coach tells you know that there's a competition on the 21st and takes it that you want to be taking part. sure why not, i mean, we can always take part in another competition. but hello? not when you only let us 15days to the competition. you probably are still 20plus days from reaching your peak. what the hell is the freaking point of someone acutally taking part in a competition, when you know at your peak, you have a fighting chance of winning, which makes off peak even slimmer. who likes to play a losing match, or run a losing race?

that's besides the point. today at training. we capsized. yupp you didnt heard wrongly, we capsized. when we arent supposed to. and guess what. coach got really pissed with us he scolded us and threatened to not let us use that boat. its not a big deal. i dont mind not using it. but hey he thought we're playing and were making lame excuses. whatever coach. i'm starting to find canoeing meaningless. i mean you work so hard for something and you're bound to bump into something along the way. no matter what. and all the bad things just seem to be happening to me alone. everyone else is like enjoying it and stuff. sighs.

well just when you think things simply cant get worse. it just did. besides the canoeing aspect that's depressing, the social part is too. wow so what if i've oh-so-many friends? i hardly even spend anytime with them doing the things we like. i dont get that luxury. and yes, my friends might seem alot. but guess what. when everyone thinks that way, everyone thinks that there'll always be someone for me to talk to. truth is, there isnt. well i guess its just something i have been trying to get used to after stepping into sji in sec1. the many interrelations. let me just map out some.
mg-ac
hci-ny
ri-rgs
and now, we've a new addition to the family.
hci-rgs.
guess where i figured out sji should be?
sji- a hill full of tombs.
yupp, you might not believe what i'm about to say. but, no one otherside sji, cares about sji. just ponder over it before you start objecting. and if you're objecting, shows two things. either you're an awesome socialite who has the whole school next door talking about you upon your entry, or you just cant wake up to reality or are too busy to actually check the dictionary on what the word friends mean. why dont you try and go make a survey? go survey how many percent of the girl's school's girls are attached or are previously attached to sji guys. i shall be nice alright. 10%? ya dont judge a book by its cover, or a person by his school/looks. i so believe you.

and i wonder who came out with look at the bright side of things. i just wonder if there's equal distribution of positive things. but i have to agree that life is full of ups and downs. just that some people experience all the ups, while the rest experience all the down.

hmm i guess that's just me feeling down. i guess ups always seem very little. after all, happy times pass faster and that's why we see it as lesser. and the down times, are normally more horrible and a torture. so ya. nothing i can do to cheer anyone up now. for i know nothing can cheer me up now, so i guess, let nature take its course.

hinyang.